Winning -- The Only Thing

Yesterday, in a Romney post-debate reverie, I walked the streets of Park Slope awash in Republican glory.

Perhaps you saw me nearly getting hit by that truck with the giant vegetables painted the side delivering organic foodstuffs to the communists at the Food Co-op.  Or maybe you saw me up at the library suddenly unable to check out my book, stunned by the realization that the entire enterprise was based on dangerous socialist principles -- moreover, that everyone working there was a government employee, unwilling to take responsibility and care for their lives. 

Had I not been blessed only two days before by Becoming Republican, I would have no doubt spent the day whining about Mitt Romney’s performance in the debate as mendacious, tendentious and downright rude.  I would have been ready to consider taking the gas pipe, getting out the razor blades, running the hot bath, gulping down the Valium. 

Instead, I took strength from the dejection of the Democrats around me.  Their leader had failed them.  He had shown his true government employee colors.  Instead of working hard preparing for the debates like Mitt, he had spent his time goofing off at his desk surfing the Internet, drinking foamy lattes laced with foreign liqueurs, whiling away the time with his co-workers while decent people like me were forced to stand in line waiting for them to finish their yammering about their kids and get back to work.  These people just don’t understand customer service like Mitt does.  Wasn’t he so great shooting down the whole Dodd-Frank thing?

But having woken up, having seen the light, instead of whining like the Democrat I once was, as a Republican, I was walking on air.  Our soon-to-be-president Mitt had perfectly embodied Republican principles of self-reliance, self-possession and self-care.  Obama had embodied socialistic, chicken-hearted Big Bird values. He even looked like Big Bird with that big goofy grin of his.  How much energy it must have cost Obama to keep from flappng his wings! 

Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing, said Vince Lombardi, the famous football coach.  Now that I’m a Republican, I truly understand what that means.