Romney to Win Debate Wearing "Mission Accomplished" Belt Buckle

I am here today at Hofstra University in Long Island where the second debate between Mitt Romney and the Kenyan is to take place tonight.  

My plan is to loan Mitt the “Mission Accomplished” belt buckle that George W. Bush gave me in Dallas two days ago. I’m loaning it to Mitt as an insurance policy against the Kenyan.   I don’t think Mitt will need it, but better safe than sorry. 

I have to say I wasn’t big on the whole Kenyan “birther” thing until yesterday. But then I got a ride back from Dallas on Donald Trump’s private jet.   Such a wonderful gesture on Donald’s part.  Also, another testament to the power of “Mission Accomplished.” 

You see, when I arrived at the airport in Dallas yesterday, “Mission Accomplished” began to vibrate.   I was in the Sky Club waiting for my Delta flight when suddenly two men in black suits escorted me through a special passageway leading to Donald Trump’s private jet.     

Watching four hours of video clips of Mr. Trump talking about Barack Obama’s attempts to hide his birth certificate was very instructive.  Watching the clips on a huge screen that took up most of the front bulkhead made it extra impactful.  Watching the clips for four hours really made it sink in.

By the time I arrived at La Guardia, I was convinced that not only was Obama born in Kenya where he absorbed radical Muslim teachings at a madrassa, but that his entire college career is a fabrication.  Why won’t he release his student transcripts?  The answer is obvious to any thinking person. 

I’m in the student union now, drinking a Starbucks coffee.  I wonder how many of the students wandering about here are taking advantage of the American people and adding to the trillion dollar deficit with Pell Grants and how many had the decency to take tuition money from their parents.

Although I’m not sure where or when Mitt Romney’s motorcade will arrive, I’m confident that “Mission Accomplished” will draw him to me and me to him. 

I just have to make sure Mitt understands that I’m only loaning “Mission Accomplished” to him, that it’s just for insurance against the wily Kenyan, that I need it back. 

I’m sure George W. has plenty of them, but it would a little embarrassing to have to fly back to Dallas and ask him for another.