No soul searching, no nightmares, no road, no Damascus. No, I was asleep the whole night and didn’t wake once. From a life-long Democrat to a Republican in the space of one night.
What was it that roused me from my Democratic sloth? Believe it or not, it was the crash of trashcans outside my window, the shouts of the garbage men and the clash of truck gears grinding.
Had I still been a Democrat, I would have smiled to myself and done one, some, or all of the following:
- Thought how good it is that garbage men have a union to protect their interests
- Pitied them a little bit for the fact that their work is hard, strenuous, and dirty
- Remembered how when I worked at a deli during college to pay for my books I could never get the smell of onions off my hands.
- Imagined them going home stinking, sweaty, exhausted, to their wives and children, but at the same time knowing their union wages meant they could afford a night out once in a while, pay their mortgages, and put aside a little for college for at least one of the kids.
In short, all the complicated and unnecessary things Democrats are always thinking about.
Instead, today, this very morning at long last, I saw those garbage men correctly – as enemies of all that is good and right about America, union men who are beholden not to their customers like me, but to their thieving union bosses.
Yes, from union-loving, class-conscious, anxiety-ridden loser Democrat to right-thinking Republican in the space of eight miraculous hours, my conversion to the absolute rightness of Republicanism was cataclysmic and complete.
You may now envy me.
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